


The First of Ninth, a Silent Thousand Words

by Felin_V



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cat, F/F, Guilt, Hint with depression, Hint with suicidal thoughts, One Shot, Post-Canon, Post-Silver Snow, Regret, Reincarnation?, Self-blaming, Slight fluff? BC it's fluffy??, Spoilers for Silver Snow, angst with happy ending??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:50:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26660173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felin_V/pseuds/Felin_V
Summary: Human is a contradicted creature. Sometimes, humans would do something they did not normally do. Other time, they would do something they did not even know they could do.Why? No one know for sure.No one.Not even herself.AKAByleth in Silver Snow who has to live with the consequences of her choice.Song track: Hotaru - Fujita Maiko
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg & My Unit | Byleth, Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Kudos: 41





	The First of Ninth, a Silent Thousand Words

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone.  
> This is my first contribution to Edeleth week with Day 3 prompt: "Eternity" and "Reincarnation AU"  
> This is also my first angst fic with a hint of variety of negative psychological state such as depression. I try to be quite subtle and implicit, but make sure that you proceed with your own risk. Know that you can always stop reading at any giving time, it's a long fic anyway. And know that you can always express your concern here anonymously if you need to pour out some thoughts. I'm with you :)
> 
> With all of that aside, I hope you enjoy!

.

..

...

*Thump* 

*Thump* *Thump* 

*Thump* *Thump* *Thump*

“Your path...lies across my grave. It is time for you to find the courage...to walk it.”

*Thump* _Why._ *Thump* _Stop._ *Thump* _Stop looking at me with those eyes._ *Thump*

“If I...must fall...let it be by your hand.”

*Thump* _Please._ *Thump* _Stop talking to me with that voice._ *Thump* _Stop_. *Thump*

While her silent pleads echoed heavily through her mind, the radiant mint locks, which glowed brightly against the sunlight that seeped into the throne room of the Enbarr palace, fell over her emotionless facade and covered her blank mint eyes, concealing a part of her already hazy vision. As if something had possessed her, she felt her palm tightened their grip on the cold sword as her legs carried her closer to the kneeling, vulnerable woman. A beat that felt like an eternity later, the divine sword was held up high above her head as the snow-white hair woman in her regal crimson regalia frailly hunched down with the golden-crowned head hung low below her. All the while, the strange, annoying noise in her head continued ruining her senses with the mint eyes’ vision that was soon overwhelmed by a heavy cloud as she felt like everything around her, even her own body, was drifting further away into the muted distance. 

*Thump* “I wanted…” *Thump*

*Thump* “to walk with you…” *Thump*

The splashing sound and the sensation of the weapon cut through a soft flesh resonated through her body and sent a surge of trembling force from her hand to her core as the faint thud mixed with a small squish registered in her ears. Suddenly, everything and every sound seemed to disappear into the dusty air of the battlefield. The only sounds she could hear was the noisy ‘thump’ that fiercely echoed within her mind, masking all of her senses, and the heavy, shallow breath of her own that was not caused by the prolonged fight. All the while, her eyes could see nothing but the warm, fresh crimson stain on her hands. Suddenly, choking, painful coughs as if the owner of the sound was drowning soared through the rumbling noise and reached to her numb mind. And so, the glowing, yet dim mint eyes shakily drifted toward the heaving crimson woman on the hard, cold floor. Without knowing, she found her legs slowly and unsteadily carried her closer to the radiant snow-white locks before the stained crimson hands that were free of the sword’s hilt gently settled the fragile woman to rest comfortably against her quiet chest and her rough body. It seemed that the wound was not deep enough to cut through the thick, refined crimson regalia nor to end this woman’s life. She hesi-

“My teacher…” 

The pale, dim lilac eyes weakly drifted toward her blank mint eyes underneath the flow of the glowing mint hair. Her delicate face that stained with a tint of bright crimson made her pearly skin seemed to be a shade paler than the shade she liked. Her pink, shining lip she used to stare every time they talked was now turning white and dry. The lip that slowly moved under her despite all the trailing crimson fall.

“Why...hesitate?”

*Thump*

*Thump* _Why?_ *Thump* 

*Thump* _No. No, I did not._ *Thump* 

*Thump* _Stop._ *Thump* 

*Thump* _Please sleep already._ *Thump* 

*Thump* _Please stop saying anything with your melodious, soothing voice._ *Thump* 

*Thump* _Please just close your bewitching, beautiful eyes already._ *Thump* 

*Thump* _Please, breath your final, sweet breath already._ *Thump* 

*Thump* _Please, the cuddling warmth. Please escape your soft body already._ *Thump* 

*Thump* _I can’t breathe. I can’t see anything besides your mesmerizing crimson face._ *Thump* 

*Thump* _Stop. Stop all of these noises._ *Thump* 

*Thump* _Please._ *Thump* _Please._ *Thump* _Please._ *Thump* 

*Thump* 

“Please don’t...”

As she heard her voice unintentionally choked out, the dim lilac eyes slightly widened as they flashed a weak light toward her. As if knowing what her words meant, the crimson gloved hand delicately rose up to tenderly caress the slightly dampened face above as the snow-white hair woman let the droplets of rain mixed with the crimson trail along the wounded arm and on her pale facade. And then, with dazzling, wishful lilac eyes, the snow-white locks weakly smiled at her.

“I won’t…” 

Not knowing what to respond, the blurry, wavering mint eyes kept staring into the dim, yet warm lilac eyes as she noticed that the noise in her mind had slowly calmed down and started to subside. She looked at her as long as she could until the light in the lilac eyes faded away into glowing dust, until the warmth seeped away from the fragile body, until the last, long breath took her away from this realm. By the time that the last noisy ‘thump’ in her head had stopped completely, the snow-white locks went into the forever sleep along with the gentle touch through the crimson gloved hand on her cheek. And that was the first, and the last time she ever heard the strange noise. Soon after, the silence was replaced by the surrounding warcry once again as Seteth’s voice reached her. 

“Professor. Let us go and look for Rhea.”

After she and her comrades took down Those Who Slither in the Dark and sent Rhea’s soul to rest, Byleth’s eternal life with the heart cold as a stone went on to endlessly serve the citizen of the new Fodlan. She was so tired. Tired of rebuilding the nation from the war. Tired of changing the corrupted system alone. Tired of guiding people to the right path even though she had no idea which way to go. Even so, the archbishop of the Church of Seiros entirely and tirelessly devoted herself to her duty days after days and moons after moons, hoping to atone for the sin she did not even know herself. With a blink of an eye of someone who was immortal, the centuries had passed as Byleth tried her best to balance the nation on her tense shoulder. Eventually, when the continent of Fodlan seemed to be able to stand on its own, she decided to leave everything behind. But before she left, she made sure to paint the history of the crimson regalia and the golden horned crown with utmost respect and truth in them as much as she allowed. All the while, she asked that her identity shall fade away from history, leaving herself to live her life as no one just like what it had always been. While Seteth was against it at first, it was her final decision, and he could never stop her from doing so.

Eventually, after she abdicated and relinquished everything to the suitable mortal’s hands, the former archbishop lived with passionless, aimless life. She roamed randomly across the nation, moving from town to town with only her empty chest and heavy body, just like the Wandering Flame that had no will of its own. After she had already drifted to every corner of the nation, a few centuries had passed. Thus, Byleth decided that she should settle herself somewhere. Otherwise, she felt like she would lose the only thing she had right now, her sane mind. And so, with the help of her old, remaining friend, Seteth, Byleth settled herself in the small, cozy house in the middle of nowhere, away from other mortal beings and the lively air of towns and cities. At first, she thought that after settling herself in a permanent place, it would give her peace of mind. But she was wrong. Oh, she was so wrong. Byleth lived there with her mind that always unconsciously wandered back to the long past, regardless of the day and night. And every time, her nightmares would come in the form of a certain snow-white hair woman with the stained crimson regalia. The woman’s face was covered by the dark crimson substance while her voice was too shattered to interpret. Every time, the stained snow-white locks would slowly reach out her crimson hand toward her. But before Byleth could feel herself rose her calloused hand to envelop that crimson hand in hers, she was gone, melting down into a crimson pool of bottomless blood below.

She was too late. She was always too late for her. She was too late to make a decision, to choose the side, to reach out her hand. Byleth had always followed her instinct back when she was a mercenary. But somehow, there were only three times when she decided not to and followed her logic instead. With each time, her heart would feel heavier yet emptier every time. 3 times. 3 mistakes. And now she had to live with the consequences.

Nonetheless, the flow of time never stopped. And soon, the solitary place was turned into a crowded city, the vast lawn was turned into a cramped building, and the centuries were turned into a millennium. Byleth was not sure how she managed to walk among the mortals for a thousand years without losing her mind or ending her own life. While, sometimes, Byleth admitted that the idea was too tempting, just lay down and sleep forever, she felt like something had been restraining her into this world. A feeling of regrets, perhaps? Or it might be the invisible power inside her? Or it simply might be her silent vow to see this through to the end. A vow she did not remember whom she made with, or rather, she was afraid to remember whom she had kept in the deepest part of her memories at all. And so, Byleth lived on, continuing her gray world and her empty chest without truly knowing the purpose of her eternal life. Perhaps, a day might come when she had a new purpose to live. Perhaps, one day. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, the sky was clear and blue as the serene water in the lake. The sun cheerfully shone its array onto the crowded city below, warming the concrete building and floor along with the people who lived and walked on it. It was one of many beautiful, relaxing days that invited the city dwellers to get out of their cozy roof to expose their skin under the sunlight and gentle breeze. But that was not the case for Byleth. After all, she never really cared if the weather was nice or not when there was nothing to look forward to. Besides, with her endless life span, she had started to depreciate the condition of the weather altogether. And so, she did not hesitate to spend such a beautiful day like this under the grand ceiling of the Fodlan History Museum. Apparently, it seemed that today, the museum had a special exhibition that was held specifically for the long-forgotten era of Fodlan. Thus, since the morning, Byleth had been leisurely looking around the ancient, yet familiar, artifacts and documents, or should she say, the remnants of her past. With how advanced the technology and convention were during this time, it was not a surprise for the contemporary historian to be able to find and recover so many things that ranged from the silver weapons to the part of the Knights of Seiros’ armor to the set of teacup Byleth used to have when she was a professor. Even so, each of the displays did not stir much of anything inside the stone chest, saved for the small tint of nostalgia. Not until the distinctive mint eyes were halted its blank glance by the large portrait of the famous historical figure with the refined crimson regalia, the fierce golden horned crown, and the unique snow-white locks. Ever since then, the glowing mint locks never strayed away from where she stood like stone, flashing her dull, empty mint eyes into the artificial, lifeless lilac eyes until the security staff had come and ask her to leave, for it was already time to close. It was always like this. Whenever she occasionally came to this museum and was greeted with the portrait of the snow-white locks, it was always difficult to pry her eyes away from those lilac eyes. 

After being the last person who left the museum, Byleth casually made her way back to her place as she did not forget to make a few more stops to buy some foods for her late dinner. While Byleth was leisurely drifting back to her place with a big grocery bag in her arm, suddenly, a loud, desperate yowling and hissing arose from the nearby dark alley, stalling her attention from her track. Since she was not in a rush, never in a rush, Byleth decided to follow the frightening sound and investigate what was happening. When she arrived at the cramped, abandoned alley, her mint eyes squinted to adjust to the dim light. And then, she saw a snow-white cat that stained with a little dust and dirt stood on its paws with arched back and bristled long fur as its brown-tipped ears leaned back and its tail tucked tightly underneath its trembling body. All the while, it bared its sharp canine and hissed relentlessly at the black rat in front of it. Seeing that it was just animals confronting one another, Byleth was about to resume her track when the bold rat decided to make its move and launch itself toward the blistered feline. At that moment, even though the rat had not brushed the cat’s thick fur yet, the stained snow-white feline suddenly and terrifyingly jumped away to escape the sudden act. However, within the narrowed pathway, the alarmed cat accidentally threw itself against the towering, metallic bin, sending the poor cat in its most panic stage in an instant. Intensely going haywire, the snow-white cat ran into another direction and frantically climbed onto the big container before it curled into a small, quaking fur ball with its snow-white fur spiked out in fear. All the while, its eyes cautiously observed the black rat’s movement below. 

Watching the quick episode unfolded in silence, Byleth thought that it was quite strange to see the stray cat that was afraid of a rat, much less the one that had a fur as beautiful as this feline. Nonetheless, as it was such a way of life, no matter how struggling it seemed, Byleth was not going to intervene. Before she could turn back on her heels, however, as if the childish Goddess wanted to tease her out of boredom, the orange she bought suddenly fell out of the paper bag and landed near the black rat, sending it jerked away and turned its red eyes toward the rolling orange. After a few beats, the rat regained its calm and cautiously investigate the still orange with its snout. Sighing out faintly, Byleth could not help but have to walk into the alley to retrieve her orange before the filthy rat could take a bite on it. After all, as long as the orange was freed from the bite, it was still edible. And so, after shooing the rat away with a few stomps, Byleth bent down to get the fruit out of the dirty floor. While she slowly straightened up, the stoic mint eyes met with the wide, wavering lilac pair that belonged to the snow-white feline on the container. Such a strange, yet familiar, eyes color of the stray cat occupied Byleth’s mind for a few moments, silently thinking that it was quite uncommon for a cat to have this dazzling, stunning eyes color. Nonetheless, after the mint eyes blinked away their thought, Byleth straightened her posture and returned the orange to the paper bag as she turned back on her heels to resume her track. All the while, she did not let the heavy, yearning stare from the lilac eyes behind her went unnoticed. Ever since that day, Byleth always spotted a silhouette of snow-white fur followed her behind everywhere she went. Nonetheless, she did not think much of it.

That was, until one day.

Byleth just finished her weekly groceries shopping when, in front of the meat shop, the mint eyes spotted the snow-white feline strategically dodged the butcher’s grasp with a step Byleth did not know a cat could do. It was like an elegant dance full of regal and confident air she used to witness from somewhere a long time ago. Before Byleth could fully recall her long-forgotten memories, the lilac eyes noticed her from afar as the snow-white feline made a final jump over the butcher’s head, causing him to stumble back onto the rough floor. The stray cat glanced at the groaning man with its head and tail held up high before it made its way toward Byleth with a composed trotting as if it was not being chased just a few seconds ago. All the while, the mint eyes noticed the butcher rub his back with a deep frown as his eyes quietly followed the straight, fluffy tail that nonchalantly walked away with his meat. In the end, the man went back into his shop with a defeated sigh as he continued soothing his back along the way. It was then that a deep trilling with a small, muffled ‘meow’ at the end brought Byleth’s attention to the little thief with raw meat in its mouth below her. 

As the blank mint eyes met the bright lilac pair with a gently swaying tail, Byleth flatly said, “You are a smart one, huh?”

The response came in the form of another sweet, muffled trilling as the lilac eyes flashed a slow blink at her. And so, since the feline seemed to pay attention to her, Byleth continued with her stoic face and a flat tone, “But don’t go steal anyone’s food. With how beautiful you already are, you can just sit and beg for it instead.”

With that, the brown-tipped ears swiftly twisted backward before the snow-white cat muffled out a faint growl with the long tail lowered down and thrashed left and right as if it was protesting and did not like that idea one bit. Seeing such an intense reaction against her words, Byleth was inwardly surprised at the thought that, perhaps, the stray feline might understand human words. 

And so, as the calm mint eyes stared blankly at the contracted pupils, Byleth faintly murmured, “And quite arrogant too, huh?”

The brown-tipped ear twisted briefly before the snow-white feline muffled out a low growl of exasperation again as it turned away from Byleth. For some reason, Byleth felt like she was mad by the strange, stray cat now. But of course, she did not think much of it. After watching the long fluffy white tail that kept wagging left and right disappeared into the corner of the abandoned alley. Byleth got up on her feet and made her way toward the butcher, who was still keeping his gentle pat on his back. Without saying anything much, Byleth simply asked him how much the meat that the snow-white cat had stolen before she handed the man with that said amount. Despite having a confused look, the butcher took it anyway. And then, the mint locks simply turned back on her heels and quietly left the shop, inevitably earning a deepened frown from the man as a result. After that, without missing a beat, Byleth strode toward the alley where the mysterious snow-white cat had disappeared into.

It took only a few moments before the glowing mint eyes spotted the radiant snow-white fur among the dim passageway. The stray cat already finished its meal, it seemed, as it was in the middle of grooming its face with its soft paw. However, as soon as Byleth came into its broad sight, the snow-white feline abruptly stopped its private business with a slight jolt before it flashed her with the narrowed lilac eyes and a wagging tail. The closer Byleth got to it, the more intense its tail thrashing as if the strange cat was still mad at her. Regardless, Byleth did not falter and continued to get closer to it slowly. When she reached the irritated cat, the mint locks carefully knelt down before the narrowed eyes and let her calm mint eyes settled into the lilac pair. A few moments of silence passed by until the snow-white cat seemed to ease its tense body as the striking lilac eyes blinked away from Byleth. With that, Byleth slowly and carefully reached out her hand to hover near the cat’s face, silently asking for permission. Although it took a few moments, the feline finally gave in and tentatively rubbed her head and cheek against the calloused hand. The sign of the acceptance made Byleth released her breath that she did not know when and why she had held onto. Nonetheless, she decided to let it passed as Byleth absently rubbed the white fur behind the sharp ear and relished herself in the soft sensation against her rough skin. All the while, the impassive mint eyes maintained their stare on the bright lilac eyes that occasionally closed in contentment. 

Suddenly, Byleth heard herself blurt out, “Hey, kitty. Do you want to come to my place?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Admittedly, Byleth really had no idea why she decided to take in this stray cat. She never had a pet before. The closest thing she could think of was the stray cats and dogs that she frequently fed when she was still a professor at Garreg Mach, which was a thousand years ago. Ever since she had stepped into the title of archbishop, she never had a chance to play with nor even had time to notice any animals at all, much less taking care of them. Besides, the fact that Byleth had been spending about a thousand years caring for nothing but walking, eating, and sleeping, she literally had no idea what she was looking for in the vast, modern pet shop. Even when she had walked over to the aisle that labeled as ‘Cat food,’ thinking that she would just grab something and go, Byleth was stunned by the endless amount of brands and type of cat foods. She never knew there could be these many cat foods in the world. After all, she thought that giving cats the fish, and they would eat it just fine. 

“Meow”

While Byleth was standing and staring at the shelf full of cat food in silence, she heard the snow-white stray’s voice, which had been following her up until now, called out to someone not far from her. Curiously of what the strange cat was doing, the mint eyes pried away from the mountain of cans and bags to the upright snow-white tail and the young staff with his green vest. Hearing the sweet, yet commanding voice calling out for him, the man who was tidying the shelf turned toward the cat with a wide smile. But before he could say anything, the snow-white feline turned back toward Byleth as it kept calling the man with a distinct meow along the way. And it was then when the young staff seemed to notice her, who had been standing there in silence for a long while. It was then that she finally had some help and recommendations from the expert. Thus, with the help of the shop’s staff, Byleth could come back to her house with hands full of cat’s supplies, including toys, litter box, litter, treats, food, and so many other things that the eager young staff had put in her hands. As Byleth placed down her stuff, she quietly glanced back to observe the reaction of the cat whose lilac eyes curiously scanned her place with a faint glimmer. After spending the whole evening to settle everything for the feline, Byleth decided to take a little break as she collapsed herself on the old couch and watched the news on the television idly. At the corner of her eyes, she could see that the curious cat still sniffed around the house with its fluffy tail held horizontally. A long moments later, as if feeling tired of exploration, the feline casually strode toward her before it settled into a small ball on Byleth’s lap with ease. While it was quite peculiar to see the stray cat immediately relaxed in the new place like this, Byleth did not think much of it, considering how unique this cat was in many aspects compared to other strays. And so, that was how they spent their first day together.

It had been a few weeks ever since Byleth had taken in the stray cat. It also had been quite a peaceful and quiet few weeks without any troubles causing by the new resident of the house. Over the time they spent together, besides discovering that the cat was a healthy, female cat, Byleth noticed some other peculiar behaviors. According to the staff at the pet shop, it seemed that feral cats tended to despise the touch and physical affection, and it was difficult for them to trust a human so soon after adopting. But from what she had seen so far, the snow-white cat had warmed up to her quite well since the first day she took it in, following her close and asking for a scratch on its head frequently. When Byleth had to bath the cat, it seemed to even like to run itself under the running shower and puffed her long, soft fur out with satisfied thrilling after it dried. More than anything, it always purred softly at her as the feline snuggled close against her body regardless of day and night. The purring would even get louder if Byleth gently ruffled her calloused hand with the white fur. That said, Byleth did not care that much whether the snow-white cat could adjust to her or not. If the cat wanted to go and lived as the stray once again, free of any constraints, then it could go whenever it wanted. Byleth was telling the cat to come with her out of a whim anyway. Nonetheless, as the snow-white cat still stuck with her for now, Byleth would try her best to provide a comfortable, safe place for it. And that included the harm from her as well. Because the cat always strode with her soft, light paws, it was quite difficult for Byleth to know where it was with no footsteps to be heard. Not to mention how much her sharp senses had dulled over the long peaceful time. And when she did not know where the cat was, there were a few occasions when she accidentally and dangerously stepped on the long tail. No matter how much she did not care about the feline, Byleth definitely did not want to make it perish by her hands or foot. Thus, Byleth decided that she should buy a collar with a bell for it. 

While she found herself in the pet shop once again, the blank mint eyes quietly browsed the shelf full of different kinds and color of collar. Since the staff said all of these were kind of the same, Byleth randomly snatched one of them out of the shelf and went straight back without even stole a glance at what she had bought. When she was back at her house, the excited, soft meow was the first thing she heard, followed by the snow-white fur casually striding toward her. By now, this had turned into the routine greeting Byleth would always see and hear whenever she was back at her place. While she would tell herself it meant nothing of the importance, deep down, Byleth could not help but feel a tad bit fuller inside her chest. It somehow made her house felt more like home, even. After greeting the cat with a brief ruffled on the furry head, Byleth retrieved what she had bought earlier from the plastic bag. Slowly, she took out a bright red collar with a small tinkling bell attached to it. The mint eyes paused a beat as they landed on the object she had bought. Out of about 30 collars to grab, she got the red one. Unknowingly, the mint eyes were quietly staring at the crimson fabric with a melancholy facade for quite some time until the faint, concerned meow and a light touch of the soft paw on her hand brought her back to the lilac eyes before her. Deciding to let it passed, Byleth let out a short sigh through her nose before she hovered the collar near the cat to let it sniffed the strange material. Since she had already bought it, Byleth figured she should better use it rather than throwing it away. 

And so, with her usual monotone, Byleth simply said, “This’s for you.”

The snow-white cat seemed to be quite surprised as it abruptly stopped sniffing the fabric collar and let its widened lilac eyes stare into the emotionless mint eyes instead. After a few blinks, the snow-white cat silently drifted closer to Byleth and elegantly sat down so that Byleth could put on the collar around its fluffy neck. And putting the collar on she did. 

After Byleth gently wrap the soft, crimson collar around the furry neck, the glowing mint locks slightly inclined her head in approval as she simply noted, “Red suits you well, kit-”

Suddenly, a surge of memories flooded through her when the starry lilac eyes turned to meet her blank mint pair as Byleth was brought back to the long, forgotten past under the warm, peaceful sun and the cherished hall.

_“A gift? For me?”_

_Byleth heard herself respond with a faint hum and a slight nod as the snow-white locks in front of her gazed down at the small, wooden box in her gloved palm. As she tentatively opened it, the lilac eyes widened with surprise before she held up the item in the refined box with care._

_“Is this...an earring?”_

_The lilac eyes asked with a tone full of wonder as they kept staring at the carefully crafted jewelry with a big, polished ruby in the middle, surrounded by golden vines that cradled the glistening crimson jewel with an elegant, yet gentle touch. The dangling part below the crimson gem was made with a transparent crystal that reflected the sunlight and echoed them into the flicking lilac eyes well. As Byleth did not get any other response from the young princess before her for a few moments, she simply asked with her stoic face and a flat tone that tint with a rare self-consciousness,_

_“Do you like it?”_

_The snow-white hair woman with distinct crimson tights and a pair of lovely lilac ribbon was pried away from the jewelry by the messy mint locks’ question before a subtle shade of rose adorned the girl’s face as she looked at her with a slightly widened eyes. For a long moment, the dazzling lilac eyes quietly stared into her mint eyes with a light Byleth did not understand what it was until the pink lip cracked open to let go of a melodious voice that soothed her restlessness well._

_“Yes, I adore it. Thank you, my teacher.”_

_The rare fond smile on the pale face, which always made it difficult for the glowing mint eyes to shy away, prompted a warmth to expand from her core and surge through Byleth’s body. At that moment, the mint eyes, somehow, could see the world differently. It was a brighter, more colorful world compared to the dull and gray world that she always saw. A world Byleth never knew existed. Without knowing, the messy mint locks found herself again when she was only an inch away from the widened, surprised lilac eyes, prompting a darker crimson shade on the pale face. Somehow, the sight of the frozen woman made Byleth felt an urge to get even closer and press her rough skin against the delicate, pale skin. And so, since the young girl did not take a step back nor protest their closeness, Byleth, feeling bold more than ever, slowly lifted her hand and tenderly tugged away the soft snow-white strand from the fine, curved facade to the slightly pink ear. All the while, her other hand retrieved the earring from the white-gloved hand before Byleth slowly and meticulously adorned it onto the delicate, pink ear. After making sure that the earring was shining brightly and elegantly on the young girl’s ear, which now had turned into the deep crimson shade, Byleth reluctantly took a step away from the dumbfounded snow-white locks as she said softly,_

_“Red suits you well, Edelgard.”_

_Hearing what the messy mint locks had commented, the white-gloved hand rose up to lightly hover over the earring and went still for a few moments before Edelgard whispered her sweet breath into thin air with a radiant smile,_

_“Thank you, my teacher.”_

_For a long while, Byleth relished herself in the peculiar sweets scent that was floating around them and the content warmth that was spreading within her chest in silence. They stayed there in comfortable silence with the lilac eyes that refused to meet her mint pair until the snow-white locks seemed to recompose with a close of eyes, finding her confident, firm voice once again._

_“If you do not mind me asking, I am wondering what kind of earring this is? Normally, they would have two pieces, are they not?”_

_Upon hearing such a strange remark, Byleth tilted her head slightly to the side as she did not understand what Edelgard was talking about._

_“What do you mean? They are the usual ear-”_

_As the confused mint eyes glanced down at the small box, they suddenly went wider with her lip hung open in shock and unexpectedness. In the box where there was supposed to be another side of the earrings, instead, Byleth could not find it aside from the emptiness. In that instant, the messy mint locks quickly crouched down and frantically rummaged through the stone floor to look for the missing earring, prompting a confused gaze from the lilac pair in the process. After spinning around herself for a while and miserably failed, Byleth swiftly got up on her feet and was about to turn on her heels toward her room when the gloved hand stopped her._

_“Professor, where are you going?”_

_“I think I might drop the other piece in my room,”_

_Byleth replied quickly as her features pulled into a subtle frown, thinking that she better found the missing piece soon, or the young princess might be gravely disappointed. However, the snow-white locks only flashed a weak smile at her before she shook her head slightly and softly spoke with a soothing voice._

_“It is alright, my teacher. You do not have to trouble yourself in finding the missing piece for me.”_

_Even though the reassuring voice could calm her down a bit, the saddened mint eyes still refused to meet the soft lilac pair. And then the mint eyes glanced at the gloved hand that still grab on her wrist in silence as Byleth whispered with a gloomy tone. She really wanted this to be a perfect gift for the young girl, after all._

_“Sorry. I’ll order a new set for you.”_

_Upon hearing so, the white-gloved hand tentatively lowered down to envelop her calloused hand with care before she gave her a light squeeze as an assurance._

_“My teacher, like I said, there is no reason for you to trouble yourself like that. Receiving a gift from you is more than enough.”_

_Such unexpected words prompted Byleth to slightly rose her brows in disbelief mixed with confusion as the glowing mint eyes looked into the firm lilac pair._

_“Really?”_

_With just a brief response, the corner of Edelgard’s thin lip curled up into a soft smile once more as she slowly and reluctantly let go of Byleth’s hand and moved them to gently wrapped around the lonely earring that was adored on her ear. The lilac eyes then hid behind the curtain of her thin eyelid as the smile widened with fondness and passion. All the while, her pale facade brightened up to rival even the sun above._

_“I’ll treasure it until my very last breath, my teacher.”_

“Rrrr-Meow?”

A soft meow suddenly drew Byleth back from the long past to the lilac eyes and the red collar in the present. The distant cloud started to clear from the mint eyes as the soft paw faintly brush Byleth’s hands before she ruffled the fluffy white fur with care, silently telling it that she was alright. After Byleth gently stroked the soothing, soft snow-white fur for quite some time, eventually, the messy mint locks got up on her feet and reluctantly walked toward her bedroom, leaving the snow-white cat to relish itself in the new sound that would always accompany it from now on, days and nights. Even though she did not truly understand why she felt a strange urge after she unintentionally recalled the pleasant, yet sore past, she decided to do something to ease the itchy sensation within her stone chest. Thus, arriving at her bed, the calloused hand went under the soft pillow she slept on every night and retrieved a small satin jewelry box with quite an ancient design. 

When the calloused hand tentatively opened it, the mint eyes were greeted with a dull pendant with an elegant black eagle skillfully embroiled on it. The exactly same one she received from the Black Eagles class on her first birthday as a professor. It was bent slightly due to the partial damage from the battle. She had been wearing it for the whole time the war was waging wild, after all. Near the pendant, the reflected gleam that similar to the dawn of the new day mixed with the silver light of the refined shank bared into the mint eyes in silence. It was her father’s ring. The ring he told her to give it to someone she held dear the most. The person she loved. The person she thought she would never know who they were. After all, she never knew what love was. Nonetheless, she kept her father’s ring closed. There was a time when she felt an urge to throw it away, somehow feeling like the ring would never achieve its purpose. But in the end, she could not do so. If she threw the ring away, she felt like she was betraying her father’s dying wish, giving away the last thing that could remind her of him. However, at the same time, she wondered if keeping the ring forever with no one for her to give it to would mean that she already betrayed her father’s wish. But what Jeralt would say, she would never know.

Next to the two mementos, there was a crimson reflection of the bright ruby and the clear crystal dangling laying and secured safely in there. Looking back, she remembered that it had been several weeks after the day she gifted this earring to Edelgard when Byleth finally found the missing side dropping lifelessly under her bed in the dorm. She had thought about returning it to the rightful owner before, but then there was the shocking event of the conflict in the Holy Tomb, separating her and the snow-white hair woman in the process. Ever since then, she had been keeping the jewelry close to her no matter where she went, hoping that one day, she could give it back to whom it belonged, even if the snow-white hair woman was already long gone. Then, just like every time she thought back to that fateful day deep below the Garreg Mach, Byleth felt her chest tightened and heavy, feeling as though something was crushing her still heart with blunt force until her vision went shaking. She was always too late, to decide, to choose. She hesitated.

Before Byleth could drown deeper into her nightmares, suddenly, she felt the warm and fluffy body rubbed against her shoulder, bringing her back to the shaken hands and the big lilac eyes that flashed their soothing light from her flank. With the foggy mist in her mind, Byleth did not know when she had collapsed on the lonely bed, much less hearing the jingling bell of the new collar approached her. While Byleth was trying to recall back her senses, the snow-white cat quietly squeezed itself onto Byleth’s lap before it straightened up to brush its pink nose against hers, forcing the dim, wavering mint eyes to get stuck in the caring, protective lilac pair. A long moment had passed until Byleth’s chest felt lighter, the lilac eyes blinked away the comfortable silence that hung over them before the cat shifted itself slightly to bump her head against Byleth’s hand, which had unknowingly stopped shaking, with the satin box. The cat repeated her gentle bump for a few times before it seemed to lost its patience and began lightly nudging the crimson earring with her front paw instead.

Not knowing what the cat wanted, the messy mint locks slightly tilted her head to the side as she asked with a tone hinted with uncertainty and confusion, “You...want this earring?”

Upon hearing so, the snow-white cat immediately stopped nudging the shining jewel before it turned back and slowly blinked its lilac eyes at the staring mint pair. Byleth, for the first time in a very long time, furrowed her brows with a strange conflicted feeling inside her chest. She could not tell for sure why she felt like so. It was just an old, ancient earring that worth nothing of the current money, not to mention that it was just one side of the earring. The long, forgotten part of the whole. The useless part with no purpose. But somehow, she did not throw it away. Not before, not now, and, as she knew deep down, not ever. When Byleth was about to keep the satin box back where it was hidden previously, the snow-white cat used its front paws to halt Byleth’s arms as the lilac eyes maintained their firm, yet tender and reassuring gaze with the dim mint eyes. A long moment of silence had passed before Byleth, without knowing exactly why once again, let out a faint sigh and tentatively attached the earring to the crimson collar. Slightly leaning back, the mint eyes took in the snow-white cat with its crimson collar and the sparkling ruby earring as the lilac eyes looked back at her with a light that could rival the star during the night. Somehow, Byleth felt like it was such a perfect sight that she had longing and yearning to see. It was like the earring had finally returned to where it belonged, with whom it belonged. 

“This is ridiculous.”

Eventually, Byleth lightly scoffed out as she silently scolded herself for coming up with this idea of giving an earring to a cat. After all, why would anyone let a cat carry a piece of ruby around? Cat and jewelry. If anything, she thought that the cat might like to chew on it even. Nothing was making sense at all, even her own mind or, perhaps, her broken feeling. When Byleth was about to take back the earring, the mint eyes just began to notice the snow-white cat’s reaction. It puffed up its chest with a sweet trilling that followed with a melodious meow as if it really liked the earring and trying to show it to Byleth with pride, along with the starry lilac eyes. Seeing so, Byleth sighed again in defeat as she inwardly concluded to herself that, perhaps, the cat really liked the earring on its chest. Thus, she decided to just let things flow as it was, letting the cat have the earring. Strange, the sight of the snow-white cat with the lilac eyes and the ancient, crimson ruby urged the corner of Byleth’s lip to pull up into a subtle smile, a genuine smile that she had not had in a thousand years. Maybe deciding to have a cat was not a bad idea, after all.

_~~~~~~~~_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh. Hello Miss!”

Under the clear blue sky and the dull towering building, the bouncy sound of the butcher called out for her as Byleth just finished doing her groceries at the nearby shop. Seeing that the mint eyes had turned toward his way, the owner of the meat shop moved his lip again to let out another yell. However, he halted at the same time that Byleth noticed his eyes glanced down to the snow-white cat who had been quietly following her closed with head and tail held up high ever since they left the house. And then, the man’s face was shifted from a bright, smiling face to a surprised one as he approached Byleth. 

“So, you are really the owner of this cat, huh.”

The blank mint eyes glanced at the contracted lilac eyes that looked up at her briefly before Byleth returned to the man and spoke with her usual flat tone, “Yes. It won't steal your meat again.”

With that, the man let out a boisterous laugh that drew in quite a few pairs of the bystanding eyes toward them. “That’s great! This smart kitty already got plenty of my meats. I’m glad it finally found a forever home. So what’s its name?”

Without missing a beat, Byleth simply replied with a stoic facade, “It doesn’t have one.”

Upon hearing so, the man’s lively eyes suddenly went wider in bewilderment as he blurted out, “What? Why? Really?” As the mint eyes kept staring at him without any spark of a joke, the man stumbled his broad shoulder a tad bit as he continued with a slightly disappointed tone, “Well. If you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine. I just thought I could start a new, better relationship with it, right kitty? Don’t be a little thief again, okay?”

A small, confident meow replied at the man without a hint of guilt, prompting a snicker from the man as he straightened up. Afterward, as if the man did not know how to read the air, or he just did not care about Byleth’s bland, emotionless face, he started talking on and on about the cat’s previous crimes he had to endure over the moons with rather an enthusiastic and friendly tone. A long moment had passed until the man finally realized that he had left his shop unattended, thanks for the slightly annoyed call from his customer. And so, the butcher bid Byleth a quick goodbye before he jogged back to take care of his shop with a bright, lively face as always. It was such an unexpected, yet quite welcomed conversation with another being Byleth did not have for a long time. After all, she only conversed with her own kinds and barely talked with other mortals unless it was for eating. Nonetheless, she could not deny that the one-sided conversation did drain quite a considerable energy from her. Thus, after quietly watching the butcher served his customer with a wide grin for a moment, Byleth, along with the snow-white feline who gently pressed against her legs, made her way back to their place. All the while, her mind silently pondered over the man’s words. 

Eventually, by the time that they had arrived back to their house, Byleth’s mind, somehow, came into a conclusion that she should name the cat something. Just in case if someone asked her about the cat’s name again, then she could avoid a long conversation like what just happened with the butcher. Thus, as her mind spun its gear for a few moments, she let her blank mint eyes stared into the calm lilac pair, which was sitting elegantly on the kitchen counter in silence. 

Eventually, Byleth spoke up, “Whitney?”

Not knowing what the human was doing, the lilac eyes simply stared at Byleth with no further response than just a twitch of the fluffy ear. Seeing that the snow-white cat seemed to be at a loss, Byleth elaborated, “Your name. Whitney.”

Upon hearing what the human had said, the cat gave a short ‘meh’ as a response before the lilac eyes turned away from her as if she did not really like the name. And so, Byleth continued, “What about Whisker?”

With that, the lilac eyes glanced back at the emotionless mint eyes briefly before they narrowed down as the long, snow-white tail faintly swayed up and down against the kitchen counter, accompanied by another short ‘meh.’ Seeing that it still did not approve, she kept trying. “Then what about Snow?”

At this point, the snow-white cat seemed to be running out of its patience before it responded with an annoying chittering as if it was complaining about something. The small chittering with an opened mouth and a glimpse of canine continued directing at Byleth for a while until the cat turned itself away from her, swiftly waggling her tail left and right in agitation. Seeing so, Byleth silently searched for other names through her memories in the hope of finding the right name for the picky cat. Sometimes, Byleth had noticed that the cat was quite demanding and stubborn in a certain thing, acting as if it was a little princess of the great noble with a grand palace. Nonetheless, Byleth kept trying in silence, hoping to find something that the princess feline would like. Though it did not deter the fact that she did not know that many pet names, or even mortal’s name, since she did not care to remember them. All of them would be gone with a blink of her eyes, after all. And so, there was nothing that came to the forefront of her mind. Perhaps, she could use some of the names from the strays back at the Garreg Mach, or it could be the name of any person she used to hear a long time ago…

“El…”

The instant that Byleth accidentally blurted out that long-forgotten name, the fury ear wiggled backward toward her before the wide lilac eyes quickly turned to look into the distant mint eyes. While Byleth was unknowingly biting her lower lip tight with a facade full of agony, the lilac eyes kept staring at her with a hint of a surprise. A moment later, Byleth, as she recalled back the memories of the certain snow-white locks in silence, heard a sweet and soft meow directed at her as the snow-white feline shifted closer to her. When the dim mint eyes finally decided to look up, she was met with the starry lilac eyes that were looking at her with only a short distance away. A beat later, the same pair of dazzling eyes drifted even closer before it let the small, pink nose brushed with her nose and closed its eyes in contentment. All the while, the low, soothing purring continued calming Byleth down as if the cat was casting a warm healing spell on her.

A long moment with nothing but the soft rumbling sound until Byleth came back to her sense again as she whispered with a slightly shaken voice, “No...no, I…”

“Meow?”

The slightly high-pitch meow prompted Byleth to gaze into the lilac eyes, the same color with the most beautiful eyes of the certain woman she had ever seen, as the snow-white cat pried away its nose from hers. Now that the mint eyes carefully and closely looked at the fluffy cat, it had quite similar traits to the woman she once knew. Its lilac eyes. Its snow-white fur. Its light brown tipped ears. Its elegant move. 

Before her mind could dive her deeper in such a nonsensical thought, Byleth forced her mind to drift away as she spoke up with a flat, yet full of pain, voice, “I can’t use that name. It’s…I don’t deserve to say that name, kitty.”

Suddenly, the cat seemed to hear enough of her voice as it used its paw to stop her lip from moving, preventing Byleth to continue. The rubbery surface and the distinct scent of the paw stayed there for a moment before it slowly drifted down, away from her lip.

“I can’t-” 

And again, the cat quickly resumed its paw’s position at her lip, preventing Byleth to speak once again. Such a nonsensical action prompted Byleth to furrow her brows as her facade slightly pulled down into a subtle frown. All the while, the conflicted mint eyes were captured by the firm and calm lilac pair that kept staring at her in silence. In her mind, Byleth silently thought that there would never be a day when she could understand what this cat truly wanted. A few moments later, eventually, Byleth let out a defeated sigh through her nose, urging the paw to free her lip in the process.

When her lip was sealed no more, Byleth quietly said with a hesitated tone, “Alright. I’ll call you, ...El.”

While Byleth inwardly realized how strange and heavy it was with this simple name on her lip, the snow-white cat rubbed its head against her pensive face as it purred loudly. The gentle, intimate touch went on for a while until Byleth could not help herself but to genuinely smile and overlooked the cruel weight in her chest before she slipped out with a lighter tone, “El...was a nickname of the woman I used to know.”

Hearing her saying so, the cat gradually ceased its touch as it slowly pried away to bear its starry, calm lilac eyes into the melancholic mint pair. As she saw that the cat was listening to her, Byleth continued, “Or, at least, that’s what I think it is. I heard her father called her once, but she’d never directly told me, though.”

While Byleth sheepishly smiled, the lilac eyes only responded with a slow blink, urging Byleth to keep pouring out her thoughts with a nostalgic tone. “Her name was...Edelgard. Edelgard von Hresvelg. She was...my student. My brightest student. My closest friend. My…”

Unknowingly, Byleth trailed off at the end of her words as her nostalgic thoughts drew her closer to other memories. Memories that she was not quite fond of. Memories that had turned into nightmares that plagued her sleep and awake. But somehow, with her and the cat alone in this house along with the attentive lilac eyes in front of her, Byleth could not muster her strength to seal her lip nor the overwhelmed sensation from her core.

“But I...let her down. I-” Byleth choked out as she saw her vision began to be covered by a blurry, transparent curtain. 

There was no sobbing, no sniffling, no shuddering. Nothing. Nothing but the silent, thin trail of rain that fell from her mint eyes. However, no matter how small it was, the snow-white cat leaned closer to tenderly lick away the little drops of rain against Byleth’s cheek anyway. The rough, yet gentle surface was strangely warm and soothing against her skin, calming her mind to calm down enough for the messy mint locks to continue with a darker tone. 

“Sometimes, I even think that...I shouldn’t... After everything, I really don’t deserve to li-”

Suddenly, the cat rose up with its hind leg while using its front paws to snap Byleth’s lip closed once again with more force and strength than the previous one. All the while, the firm lilac eyes stared down into the dim mint pair with an absolute resolve that reminded Byleth of the certain woman. Maybe, it was the blurry barrier over her vision or the fact that her mind was starting to lose its grip on the sanity, the sight of the snow-white cat began to turn into familiar snow-white locks with the resolved, confident lilac eyes she always wore whenever she talked about things she had her mind on. The double vision slowly became clearer as the wide mint eyes let herself relished into the impossibility. 

With a muffled sound through the tight lip and paws, Byleth hesitantly and faintly whispered, “Edelgard...”

The unwavering lilac eyes, which belonged to either the cat or the woman Byleth was not so sure anymore, did not turn away as they kept staring at her for a long while. When the feline was sure that the messy mint locks might already get the message, it gradually let go of her lip and continued easing away the remaining trail of rain on her cheek, decaying away the pleasant illusion from Byleth’s eyes in a process.

“Ha..Haha. I’m...stupid,” Byleth eventually weakly murmured along with a hollow, dry snicker as she hung her head low and let her forehead pressed against the cold, hard marble cardboard of the kitchen counter.

Perhaps, after a thousand years, her mind had finally started to go insane for real. Though it might be good, she thought. Being a madwoman and forgot everything that had happened a long time ago. Forgot what she had done to her. Forgot the painful memories she had kept closed inside the deepest part of her mind. Forgot all of them and be the empty vessel once again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Reincarnation?”

After sipping at her lukewarm bergamot tea, Byeth slightly nodded at Seteth, who, along with Flayn, came to visit her and see how she was faring just like he and his daughter always did from time to time. While the man was contemplating on Byleth’s previous question that seemed to come out of nowhere, the mint eyes glanced toward the young-looking girl with bright green hair who was gently petting the snow-white feline as it elegantly laid on her cat tree. Despite not refusing the touch, Byleth could see that the quiet feline did not enjoy it like the way it enjoyed her touch. While the mint eyes silently observed the cat with its slightly wagging tail, she heard Seteth continued with his pensive tone.

“Well. If the memory served me right, I remembered my mother, the Goddess Sothis, had talked about something of the sort.”

Upon hearing so, Byleth returned to the man who seemed to not aged at all ever since the first time she met him as she quirked her brow, beckoning him to continue. “She said that death is an inevitable force of all living things. But after their body, along with their mind, perish into the ground and went back to the warm embrace of the mother of nature, their souls will be reborn into a new vessel. You could say that it was some kind of reincarnation in a sense.”

Byleth hummed along as her eyes dropped to the calm, dark brown tea in her hands and went silent. Seeing the pensive facade with no further response, Seteth curiously asked, “Why do you ask?”

Without meeting the man in his eyes, Byleth simply replied with her usual flat tone, “Nothing. Just curious.”

After that, the still silence hung over them for a few moments as Byleth could feel the man’s heavy, concerned gaze upon her. The same gaze he always had whenever he visited her for the past thousand years. Regardless, since he knew that, as always, there was no use in prying further, Seteth let his concern passed with a faint sigh before he steered the conversation to another direction instead, thinking a small, casual talk might improve the air between them.

“Anyway, how have you been? It’s nice to see that you are not alone anymore,” Seteth said as he glanced toward his daughter, who was playing with the long, fluffy tail and the snow-white cat who was drowsily and silently watching its tail dodged the young woman’s grasp.  
The mint eyes followed the man’s gaze as she felt her face faintly pulled up into an unfamiliar position before she murmured with a slightly lighter tone, “It’s quite refreshing.”

Byleth silently watched the snow-white feline got up on its paws and stretched its body out of the stiffness before the cat elegantly strode away from the cat tree and the young woman. Unfortunately, Flayn did not give up as she quickly followed to where the snow-white cat was lying with a fishing rod toy and her excited light green eyes. It was then when the corner of her mint eyes spotted the green-haired man’s facade directing at her with wide eyes full of surprise and other emotions that Byleth did not know the name. 

And so, Byleth tentatively asked with her face returning to its neutral stage, “What?”

Jolting up a tad bit on his seat, Seteth quietly cleared his throat before he recomposed once again to reply with a nostalgic tone that hinted with relief, “No. Nothing. It’s just...I haven’t seen your smile for...ever since the war with the Empire. I’m glad to see it again.”

Before Byleth could say anything further, Flayn’s lively voice called out to her. “Byleth! This cat is gorgeous and adorable! Can I know its name?” 

Shifting her eyes toward the source of the vivid sound, Byleth saw the girl who was lovingly stroking the cat’s head as the light green eyes flashed a thrilled gleam toward her. All the while, the feline below was watchful of the young woman with its lilac eyes that never blinked. Even so, Byleth noticed a long front leg placed neatly over the cat toy as the snow-white cat never moved out of the spot it was lying before. It seemed that the cat toy was really tempting, after all.

“It’s El,” Byleth flatly answered to Flayn as she got up on her feet, earning the lilac eyes to turn toward her quietly.

Byleth casually approached where Flayn and the feline were before she knelt to gently stroked the snow-white soft fur in place of the young woman’s palm. This time, the snow-white cat closed its eyes in contentment as it learned its head against her hand, begging for more. It seemed that it really enjoyed and preferred her touch than others. And that thought somehow softened the corner of the mint eyes as the faint warmth appeared in her chest.

Back at the table, Seteth, who heard the name from afar, curiously asked with a relaxing tone, hoping that this topic would urge the mint locks to casually converse more and looked passed the awkwardness they always had, “Interesting name. How did you come up with it, Byleth?”

Upon hearing such a question, Byleth abruptly stopped her movement, which prompted a small protest from the snow-white cat below, as her mint eyes regained its blank slate once again. A moment later, she simply replied with a voice that barely above a whisper, “... Nothing in particular.” 

The returning of the monotone with a slightly rough edge allowed the man to know that Byleth did not want to talk about it. And so, Seteth furrowed his brows slightly with concerns returned to his expression in full force as Flayn, who was kneeling beside Byleth, briefly sent her a saddened gaze in silence. All the while, the small, furry head gently rubbed against the still calloused palm. A long moment with nothing but silence had passed until the light green eyes relentlessly sent a glare toward her father, commanding the man to remedy the situation. And so, instead of prying further, after closing his eyes to blink away the awkward heavy air around them, Seteth tried to steer the conversation to another topic once again, hoping that this time, it would work. Otherwise, he might get an earful of words from his daughter once again, just like he always had every time they visited the former archbishop, an old friend, a remaining family. 

“By the way, have you thought about going to the Fodlan History Museum soon?”

Feeling more than welcome to converse about other topics besides the origin of the feline’s name, the mint eyes slowly looked up to meet Seteth’s green eyes as she replied with a slight shook of her head.

And so, he continued, “Well then, I assumed that you haven’t been there recently, have you? Here’s the unlimited access VIP card for the museum. There are quite a few new artifacts that the historian just discovered not long ago. I encourage you to go there and check them out.”

While it was true that Byleth occasionally went to the museum, just like the last time she went and met with the snow-white feline here, she only went there just to calm her mind and kept her sane by walking through the familiar sight among the unfamiliar faces and convention. However, over the many years, Byleth also noticed that going there too many times would leave her with a heavy feeling in her chest, a tight knot in her throat, and the nightmares that would not go away for weeks or even moons. Thus, she tended to avoid going there often, and Seteth was very well aware of that. It was not a surprise that Seteth, who was the owner of the Fodlan History Museum himself, never gave her a VIP card nor persuaded her to visit and live in the grand museum with them while they were guarding the long written history and keeping everything in the line. But giving her the VIP card now was, admittedly, quite unexpected from the very thoughtful man Seteth was. Not to mention that it was quite strange for the man to invite her to see the new historical discovery. He knew how much she did not care about the recent history, after all. 

And so, with a quirked eyebrow, Byleth simply asked, “Why?”

The corner of the man’s lip slightly pulled up into a subtle smile as he replied with a warm concern, “Well. I hope it will help brighten your day more or less.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_“Professor. Kill Edelgard at once.”_

_...Why? She is my student. My greatest, closest student, even. Someone I could even call a friend. Why? I don’t understand. Why would she do this? What is this all about? What should I do?_

_“I...must…”_

_I must...what? Why?...I don’t-_

_“I will withdraw...for now. Come, Hubert!”_

_Wait. No, wait. I haven’t- It’s not-_

  
  


_“Professor?! What are you doing here?”_

_The Goddess Tower? Edelgard? Ah. You have grown. The soft smile of yours is gone, but it does not deter your delicate face from shining upon the sunlight and moonlight alike._

_“I came here for you.”_

_I came here only for you. To see you._

_“For me?... No. I highly doubted that. All that matter is this...Will you return to the Empire with me?”_

_…_

_“I…”_

_“Hesitation. It betrays your true answer.”_

_Ah. Is that so? I...hesitated again. Her tone sounded saddened and dishearted. She is disappointed in me. I…_

  
  


_“I wanted...to walk with you.”_

_STOP! DON’T!_

  
  


“NO!”

Suddenly, the dilated glowing mint eyes snapped open to the white ceiling of her house as the faint sunlight seeped through the curtain in the morning, lightening up her hazy vision as she gasped for breath with a heaving chest.

“Rrrr-meow”

Soaring through the heavy breath she had, a sweet, soothing voice brought Byleth back from the endless mist that had been covering her eyes to the big lilac eyes that gazed down at her with a slight hint of concern in them. The snow-white cat stared at her for a while as the mint eyes tried to focus at the feline that was hovering over her head until the feline decided to lower itself and nuzzle closed into Byleth’s neck, lovingly rubbing its head against the tight jaw. And so, slowly letting her tense body evaporated into the fresh, morning breeze, Byleth slowly closed her eyes and snuggled close with the soft snow-white fur, relishing herself in the comfortable, soothing warmth she did not know she needed. All the while, the calm, gentle purring continued lulling her mind and body for a long while until her breath was steady, and her chest felt light, empty again. Byleth did not know how long had passed until she could feel her eyelids were not heavy like stone anymore. But by the time she opened her blank eyes again, the warm array had turned warmer while the light had turned brighter. Gradually turning her head to the nightstand beside her bed and be careful not to wake the sleeping snow-white feline, the digital clock indicated its number as a bit past noon already. While Byleth was inwardly thinking of how to get up without waking up the snow-white cat that was sleeping with its head peacefully leaned against her chest, the corner of her sleepy mint eyes caught a glimpse of the VIP card that Seteth gave her several days ago, laying carelessly among the other invitation cards near the clock. Since the day Seteth and Flayn had visited her, Byleth had not yet gone to the museum, or rather, she should say that she did not care to go there at all. 

Ever since she took in the snow-white cat, Byleth noticed that her mind had been thinking of the certain snow-white locks more and more every day. Usually, her nightmares would be either incoherent or indecipherable, and she would be able to remember only a fragment of the whole. But recently, her night had become more relentless and aggressive. And today, it was the first night in a long time that her nightmares had somehow turned into a reality, reminding her of what it was like, what she had done, and what she had felt. Tasting a copper and iron flavor in her mouth, Byleth suddenly found herself unknowingly bit her lower lip, letting the crimson trail ran down her tense jaw in silence. While she tried to loosen her tight jaw, a faint movement at her neck drew her attention to the snow-white cat who was letting out a big yawn. However, the yawn was abruptly interrupted by the slight jolt when the drowsy lilac eyes that turned widened spotted the thin crimson trail on her jaw. The fluffy brown-tipped ears, along with the long whiskers, leaned forward in surprise as the snow-white cat quickly stood up, staring down at the dripping crimson in an alarming state. Sensing the worry in those frozen lilac eyes, Byleth felt her facade softened as she could not help but to gently entwine her fingers in the fluffy fur, silently ensuring the smart feline that she was alright. Even so, the lilac eyes kept still as they refused to blink with contentment from the touch or pry away from her jaw. Byleth furrowed her brows slightly as she thought that she and this cat really needed a distraction to draw themselves away from the cloudy, unpleasant noon. Glancing back to the VIP card, Byleth silently thought that the museum might be what she needed right now. It was always quiet, even though there were many people around her. She was alone, but not alone. The familiar feeling she always had a long time ago. Alone but not alone, drifting from point A to point B as she took down the commander of the Empire army one after another with the hope that fighting would fill up the empty space in her chest. But in the end, everything was just a futile effort. Nonetheless, thinking that the familiar feeling would calm her mind down as it always had, Byeth gently cradled the snow-white cat up as she finally got out of her bed.

“Let’s have a change of air,...kitty.”

After going through her morning routine like the nightmares did not awake her rest, eventually, Byleth was standing in front of the grand and oldest museum with the snow-white feline closed at her side. However, when she was about to step into the ancient, polished architecture, a young security guard stepped into her path, preventing her vision of the vast building. When the blank mint eyes nonchalantly looked up at the suspicious stern glare under the security hat, the intimidating eyes glanced down toward the feline who had casually smeared itself against Byleth’s legs with its elegant manner. 

With a deep, intimidating voice, the man said as his finger pointed toward the sign beside him, “I’m sorry, but no pets are allowed in the museum, miss.”

Upon hearing so, Byleth innocently hummed without taking her eyes off the man as she inwardly thought that she might really have to find other places to calm her mind in the end. Thinking that there was nothing she could do since the rule was written as clear as day, Byleth retrieved the VIP card Seteth gave her and showed it to the guard as she hoped that the gift from her remaining friend could help her through.

“Can I pass if I have this?”

When the guard saw the golden card with the polished sign of none other than the owner of the Fodlan History Museum himself, his eyes went wider while his face went a shade paler. Within a beat, it was like a lever was pulled, switching the mask in an instant. “My sincere apologies, miss. Please, go on ahead. Do you need an escort? or a guide?” 

Byleth stared at the sudden change of manner and tone of the guard in silence before she slightly shook her head and silently walked off with the snow-white furry companion closed at her side. As soon as she stepped away from the grand entrance, the guard was approached by, as Byleth assumed, his supervisor, who had witnessed everything from the start. As she glanced back slightly, she could see that the guard seemed to be scolded by his supervisor. But for what reason, Byleth would not know. Before the emotionless mint eyes could return to her track upfront, Byleth noticed the wide eyes of the supervisor directed at her after the guard told him something. The similar gaze she always felt from other students when she was a mysterious professor. The same gaze that every other customers within the museum’s reception area bared at her, or rather, below her. It was then when Byleth found herself unknowingly slower down her pace, allowing the snow-white cat to take its lead with the jingling sound followed its light steps. The feline elegantly strode through the polished tile of the museum with its head and tail held up high, not falter to the weight of various gazes upon itself as if the snow-white cat was way too familiar with being the center of people’s attention. 

But for Byleth, she did not like this at all. It made her self-conscious and awkward. It reminded her of the time when every eye was upon her, hoping that the Great Archbishop could blow away their hardship with just a word of blessing. A blessing she did not even believe herself. An empty blessing. When she was thinking about turning back on her heels, and away from the pool of eyes upon her, a small meow brought Byleth to the lilac eyes before her as the long tail nonchalantly swayed left and right. The snow-white cat let out another short meow before it took a few steps forward and turned its calm lilac eyes toward her as if it was calling out for Byleth to follow. After the cat repeated the peculiar behavior a few times, it decided to change its strategy as the determined feline turned back to Byleth to gently and repeatedly prod at her boot instead with the lilac eyes looking up at her. Eventually, as always, Byleth gave in with a brief sigh through her nose. She could never resist the stubborn feline, after all. With that, the smart cat resumed her lead down the grand building with an elegant, confident stride as the messy mint locks followed suit. Fortunately, when they were within the exhibition area, people drew attention away from her and the cat to the piece of art and artifacts instead, allowing Byleth to lessen her tense body and relish herself in the quiet air and the snow-white cat that was curiously looking around. A long, comfortable silence stretched out for a long while as the blank mint eyes restfully glanced around the luxury hallway until she noticed the snow-white feline that just stopped its track and sat down to let its lilac eyes landed on one giant portrait on the wall. As Byleth approached to its side, she was greeted with the portrait of the refined woman with her regal crimson regalia and the superb golden horned crown. The long snow-white locks were tied up neatly into a bun that held the heavy crown above as the lifeless lilac eyes looked straight at her with a stern expression. An expression the woman always wore to conceal her true feelings. An expression that reminded her of the dream she just had, of the day when she met her again after the long nap. 

Looking back, Byleth always wondered what kind of face she did then when the wishful lilac eyes asked her if she could return to her. She wondered why she hesitated. She wondered why she did not return to her, reached for her hand when the snow-white locks silently and desperately asked. Not to mention how nightmares had reminded her from time to time of the snow-white locks’ yearning tone whenever the flicking lilac eyes had gazed into her emotionless mint pair. In fact, every word that the snow-white hair woman uttered with ‘my teacher’ was always full of emotion. An overwhelming emotion that the woman never showed to anyone. Anyone but her. And somehow, Byleth always hesitated. Hesitated to acknowledge that fact. Hesitated to reach out her hand to grab the gloved, shaking hand that was only an inch away. 

Without knowing, Byleth’s calloused hand slowly reached out as she suddenly felt an urge to gently brush her hand against the lifeless face of the ancient canvas. However, before she could touch the valuable portrait and damaged the fragile surface, the warmth of the snow-white cat that stroked against her leg brought Byleth back to the bright lilac eyes below. Knowing that the mint eyes were on it, the cat let out a faint, brief meow followed by a small trilling before it gracefully paced toward one corner to, as the sign said, the new exhibition area. Seeing that Byleth was still root to the spot, the snow-white feline slightly turned back to the blank mint eyes and let out a tad bit louder chirping, telling her to follow again. When Byleth slowly took her steps, the cat resumed its track and led Byleth to a small exhibition room with no one but the ancient artifacts stood tall within the clear displays in the middle of the room. It seemed that everyone had already witnessed the newly acquired artifacts as the room was unexpectedly filled with no one but her and the snow-white feline. Everyone except her, of course. The mint eyes quietly scanned around the empty room that was decorated with modern boards, which had endless words retelling the history of the Emperor, and a various old painting of a woman that was too faded to describe. And then, at the corner of her eyes, Byleth noticed the snow-white feline wiggling its hind legs before it elegantly leaped up onto the display, prompting the mint eyes to widen and her lip to hang open. Within a beat, Byleth sprinted out toward the clear display box, determining to get the stubborn cat out of where it was before it caused itself any trouble. However, when the calloused hands reached to the snow-white cat and held it within her palm, the mint eyes finally noticed the artifacts in the display box.

Within the small, crystallized confine, as its curve and shape playfully trifled with the reflected, synthetic light, a dull golden horned crown with an ancient design stood majestically tall at the center. The same horned crown Byleth knew too well. While the left side of the horned crown seemed to be slightly bent from the battle’s damage or the decaying time, the remaining side seemed to be quite true to its original polished, regal form. Even so, the shining golden light she always saw across the battlefield was all gone and replaced with the gray, muddy stain instead. Not to mention that the sharp-pointed horn was dulled while the refined details were filled with dirt. Nonetheless, the crumbling part of the crown could never deter the dignified radiance that the ancient crown emitted at all. A little below from the striking, unique crown, a small crimson light drew the wide mint eyes to the bright ruby with a broken vine surrounding it. The gem blazingly shone its crimson shade against the white array of the small spotlight while the dangling crystal that had turned murky and stained from the dirt of the earth and the dark substance hung lifelessly below the pure gem. It was the missing earring—the missing piece of the whole. 

“Meow~”

Suddenly, the sweet, soothing meow snapped Byleth’s mind back to the snow-white cat and its firm, yet soft lilac eyes in front of her. Those clear lilac eyes stared at her without blinking as if the feline was trying to convey something to her in silence. It took a few more moments of silence before Byleth found herself release the cat out of her hold and unknowingly shifted her hands to press against the cold glass. It was then when the wide mint eyes noticed the dangling earring on the crimson collar that belonged to the snow-white cat, which bent itself down to her as if it intentionally carried the flawless earring into her sight. The sight that began to turn blurry and hazy from the wavering eyes as her limb began to lose their strength, prompting the messy mint locks to fell over her face with her head hung low. Without knowing, Byleth’s trembling lip cracked open and allowed the shuddering and weak whispers to go through, mixing well with the freezing, rumbling breeze of the air conditioner. 

“All these time...you had been keeping it… All these time… you kept your words even when-”

After cutting her own whisper with a stiff bite at the lower lip, the flat palm slowly curled into a claw with her entire hands pressed deep and tight against the display as if she was unconsciously trying to get through the transparent material to the ancient earring below. By the time that the shaking hands curled up into a white knuckle and the mint eyes silently stared down at the ancient artifacts below through the curtain of messy mint, Byleth felt like some kind of seal had broken in her. Within a beat, a flood of memories and feelings surged through her body, spreading from her empty chest and viciously burning everything along its way. It was like an overwhelming flame she never experienced before. While the corner of her eyes was burning with a droplet of rain dripping down her jaw and her forehead pressing down against the cold glass that separated her from the golden crown and the crimson earring, her body was trembling hard, combusting by the flame that had been buried deep in her heart until now. And she stayed there, sobbing unintelligible in silence as she felt more feelings and emotions were rooted out from the deepest part of her stone heart, feeling like she was about to burst. 

_It hurts._

_It hurts so much._

And she cried. Cried as the accumulated feelings of a thousand years was finally too much. Cried as the stone heart could block the feelings no more. Cried as she could finally cry for her. Cried as she never cried before. And she silently cried alone into nothing. The nothingness that she had created herself. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Edelgard. I should have decided sooner. I should have been there for you. I-I should have chosen you-”

Byleth choked out her broken words full of things she did not know she would understand with her still heart. Regret, guilt, desperation, and agony. A blanket of the dark cloud that consumed herself whole as the trail of rain turned into a pool on the clear display. Everything was burning inside her body and tight and hurt. Everything, even the leisurely breeze of the air conditioner, felt like a thousand sharp knives that repeatedly pierced into every inch of her rough skin. Even the old faded scar on her empty chest hurt. All the while, even if Byleth might not notice, the snow-white cat tenderly licked the messy mint locks as if it was soothing the woman. 

“I love you, Edelgard. I love you...all along...even now...I’m-”

After Byleth let go of the last crimson tie that she had been tightly held deepest in her heart, the calm, yet full of melancholy lilac eyes stopped the warm touch and stared at the trembling messy mint locks in silence, saved for the faint bright jingling sound of the small bell. It was a long moment of nothing but the quiet sobbing before the snow-white feline gradually squeezed itself down underneath the curtain of messy mint to gently nuzzle its head against the dampened face, forcing Byleth to raise up from the crimson earring and the horned crown to the soft snow-white fur. After using its feathery fur to wipe away some of the trails of droplets and exposed the watery, reddish mint eyes for the lilac eyes to bear, the feline tenderly brushed its pink nose with the woman’s trembling lip as if it was saying yet another silent words to her. The instant that Byleth could feel the soft, soothing touch, she weakly pulled the snow-white feline into a tight embrace as the messy mint locks buried herself deep into the soft fur, asking for the gentle warmth to calm the flame inside her. The snow-white feline quietly nuzzled itself closed into the broad, collapsed shoulders and the firm, shuddering body as the melancholic lilac eyes gradually closed. Perhaps, it could not bear such a painful sight anymore. All the while, the brown-tipped ears silently listened to the broken breath as the shaking lip choked out the same words over and over again, hoping that her desperate voice would reach the one person she had unknowingly longed for a thousand years, hoping that a thousand words she wanted to say would reach the one and only person she wanted greatly to return to her side. 

Alas, that could never happen. 

Alas, she who could control the flow of time could not defy the history nor destiny. 

Alas, the long perished woman could never be here to receive her words. 

  
  


_'I love you too, Byleth. Always.'_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy(?) the story.  
> As I mentioned, this is my first attempt at the whole angst story, so I'm not sure how much message I could send through without trying to make it..um explicit?  
> Also, I like cats. I have one kitty, and she was my honorable model for this story too.  
> Anyway, I'm interesting to know what you think about it!  
> If anyone spot any major grammatical error, please let me know as well. I'm always trying to improve.  
> Lastly, don't forget that you are not alone and you can always anonymously pour out your thought to anyone around you. Don't keep them inside or it will explode eventually.  
> Take care and be safe out there. :)


End file.
